Expert Relationship Counselling for Affair Recovery in Brisbane

Can you recover from an affair? Infidelity does not have to mean the end of your relationship. 

Affairs are unfortunately something that many people experience in relationships, and Australia is no exception. Research suggests that around 20-25% of married individuals in Australia have experienced infidelity at some point in their relationship. (However, these numbers can vary, with some studies reporting lower or higher rates depending on factors like age, gender, and relationship status). It's also important to keep in mind that infidelity isn't always just about physical cheating—emotional affairs can also be a significant issue in relationships.

With changing societal views, more people are now open about the struggles they've faced, which means the numbers may not tell the full story. At Lighthouse Relationships, we understand the complexity of these situations and offer support to couples navigating these challenges. But this does not have to mean the end of the relationship – around 53% of Australian couples who have faced an affair do survive - and many couples even manage to rebuild a stronger marriage/committed relationship. 

What is an affair? 

An affair is a relationship outside the primary relationship or marriage that poses a threat to this relationship. The liaison can be emotional or sexual and includes “one-night stands”. This refers only to committed or married couples where monogamy or exclusivity has been agreed on. 

The Shattered Trust 

Infidelity is an emotional earthquake that can leave partners feeling like their world has been shattered. The breach of trust, the whirlwind of emotions, and the overwhelming sense of loss can feel insurmountable. The first step toward recovery involves expressing emotions, remorse, and truth-telling. 

Communication: The Path to Healing 

Rebuilding a marriage post-infidelity requires a strong foundation of communication. Both partners must be willing to listen and speak openly about their experiences, emotions, and desires. This isn't an easy task—it demands vulnerability and empathy. Therapists often play a crucial role during this phase, providing a safe space where partners can navigate their emotions and work towards understanding each other's perspectives. 

Seeking Professional Help for Affair Recovery

The journey to recovery can be assisted with the guidance of a skilled relationship counsellor. When choosing the counsellor that’s right for you, look for evidence-based couples-related training, such as Gottman Method Couples Therapy, or Emotionally-Focussed Couples Therapy. These professionals help couples address the underlying issues that may have contributed to infidelity. They provide tools to enhance communication, rebuild trust, and develop strategies for reconnecting on a deeper level. While the process can be challenging, it's an investment in the future of the marriage. 

Rebuilding Trust after an Affair

Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, and recovering from infidelity requires rebuilding it step by step. This involves consistent transparency, accountability, and a commitment to making amends. The offending partner must take responsibility for their actions, express remorse, and demonstrate through their behavior that they are dedicated to rebuilding the trust that was lost. 

A New Beginning 

In the wake of infidelity, many couples find themselves faced with the question: Is it possible to fall in love all over again? The answer is a resounding "yes." The recovery process, while arduous, can lead to a rediscovery of love, intimacy, and connection. As both partners work together to mend their relationship, they often uncover new layers of understanding and appreciation for each other. 

By prioritising open communication, seeking professional guidance, and investing in the rebuilding of trust, couples can emerge from the storm of infidelity with a renewed sense of love and intimacy that will guide them into the future. 

A Different Path Forward

While some couples may rediscover love and intimacy after infidelity, others may realise that parting ways is the healthiest option. The recovery process can help bring clarity about the future, helping individuals recognise what they truly need from a relationship. Separation does not signify failure, but rather a conscious choice to heal individually and move forward with respect and understanding.

For couples with children, the decision to separate doesn’t diminish the importance of co-parenting. Both partners can focus on providing a supportive, stable environment for their kids, prioritising communication and collaboration to ensure the well-being of the family. Whether staying together or parting, both partners can grow stronger by acknowledging their feelings, addressing the betrayal, and prioritising their personal well-being.

The journey is about finding peace, whatever path it may lead.

Expert Training in Affairs / Betrayals at Lighthouse Relationships

At Lighthouse Relationships, our practitioners are trained in the proven methods of Dr. John Gottman and Dr Julie Scwartz-Gottman, renowned for their groundbreaking work on trust, betrayal, and relationship dynamics. Drawing on the Gottmans' science-backed approach, our clinicians utilise the "Atone, Attune, and Attach" model (more on that below), to support couples through the complex journey of affair recovery.

This compassionate, unbiased framework helps both partners rebuild trust and commitment, offering them the tools and understanding needed to navigate the emotional turbulence of betrayal. Our practitioners are equipped not only with evidence-based techniques but with deep empathy, ensuring each couple receives the care and support they deserve as they work toward healing and rebuilding their connection.

Affair Recovery Counselling Requires Specialised Skills

Recovering from an affair is an undertaking for which a relationship counsellor requires specialised training. Our highly trained team of relationship counsellors is well-versed in the complexities of affair recovery, offering empathetic guidance and evidence-based interventions to help couples rebuild trust and intimacy after infidelity.

Specialised Affair Recovery Counselling

Our relationship counsellors undergo rigorous training in affair recovery techniques, ensuring that they are equipped with the necessary expertise to address the specific challenges faced by couples dealing with infidelity. With a deep understanding of the emotional turmoil and trauma caused by affairs, our counsellors provide a safe and non-judgemental space for partners to process their feelings and explore the underlying issues that may have contributed to the affair.

Re-establishing Trust: The Atone Phase

One of the primary focuses of our affair recovery counselling is the rebuilding of trust. Recognising that trust is the foundation of any successful relationship, our counsellors employ proven strategies from the Gottman Institute's Affair Recovery Process. By facilitating open and honest communication, partners learn to express their emotions, fears, and vulnerabilities, fostering a renewed sense of safety and emotional security within the relationship.

During this phase of affair recovery, couples explore what occurred, and the partner or partners who took part in the affair are supported to offer complete transparency and to take responsibility. The partner or partners who were betrayed are supported to communicate the full impact of the consequences for them in an effective way (i.e. resisting the urge for attack or contempt, but going directly to the depths of what their experience was). This is a delicate process nd one that we have undertaken for many couples. Both partners need to be supported by the therapist and the process in order to talk about what happened.

Strengthening Emotional Bonds: The Attune Phase

At the heart of affair recovery lies the restoration of emotional intimacy and connection. Our relationship counsellors guide couples through exercises designed to improve emotional responsiveness and deepen their emotional bonds. Through nurturing emotional attunement and learning to recognise and respond to each other's needs, partners can cultivate a stronger, more resilient connection that lays the groundwork for a healthier and more satisfying relationship.

Building a Stronger Bond: The Attachment Phase

In the journey of affair recovery, the attachment phase plays a pivotal role in solidifying the couple's emotional bond and creating a stronger foundation for the future. Our relationship counsellors, understand the significance of secure attachment in fostering a resilient and loving relationship.

During this phase, partners work together to create new shared experiences, rebuild intimacy, and establish a deeper sense of emotional connection. Our counsellors guide couples through exercises that promote vulnerability and empathy, encouraging partners to lean on each other for support and reassurance. By nurturing a secure attachment, couples can transcend the pain of the past and embrace a future filled with trust, love, and mutual understanding. Through our specialised affair recovery counselling, we walk hand-in-hand with couples as they navigate this transformative phase, supporting them every step of the way towards a brighter and more fulfilling future together.

Affair Recovery takes Time, Effort, and Skilled Counselling Support

Affair recovery is a challenging journey that demands specialised support and understanding. Our relationship counselling services offer a compassionate and skillful approach to affair recovery, utilising the knowledge and expertise gained from training with the Gottman Institute's Affair Recovery Process. By addressing the complexities of trust, communication, and emotional intimacy, we empower couples to heal, grow, and rediscover the joy of a loving and secure relationship after the pain of infidelity.

Is Affair Recovery Counselling worth it?

As mentioned earlier, an affair shakes the foundations of a relationship, and it is a time of extreme vulnerability and pain. Trust is vital to romantic relationships - and an act of disloyalty can take away all belief in the relationship.

Recovering from an affair is a task that entails a great deal of stress, anxiety, and strain. While extremely taxing, it could well be worth it for the right relationship.  After the initial shock, it can and will take time to decide if this is indeed the right relationship. Don’t feel you have to rush. Take the time to decide what your needs are. Seek individual therapy if you feel you need it to help you find clarity.

You don’t need to have decided for sure that you want to continue the relationship in order to begin couples therapy; and your therapist will not seek to pressure or convince you in either direction.

We Take Time to Understand

Our therapists at Lighthouse Relationships always begin a therapeutic process by getting to know you both - and your relationship. This process is called the ‘assessment phase’ and it usually involves an initial meeting with the couple, followed by each of you individually completing a relationship assessment survey (this saves therapy time by giving your therapist a comprehensive overview of your relationship), and then each meeting the therapist for an individual session. The individual session helps the therapist ensure they understand you and your individual hopes and goals, as the entire therapeutic process is based on helping meet the needs of both partners.

Summary of Gottman’s Trust Revival Method

If an affair has occurred, your relationship counsellor will map out the way forward, a tried and tested process called Gottman’s Trust Revival Method. To recap the information above, there are three phases in affair recovery; Atone, Attune, and Attach, these are defined further below.

Atone: There is significant pain after an affair, and the hurt partner needs to be heard, and have that pain recognised. It is difficult to rebuild trust if this pain is not surfaced and shared.

Attune: Most affairs occur in the context of one or both partners feeling somewhat disconnected - sometimes this is due to having avoided having conflict conversations. It is important to look at these circumstances and to identify what happened. The research indicates most people who participate in an affair do not actually decide at any stage to cheat; it is more a process of ‘sliding rather than deciding’ as one researcher put it. The attune phase unearths what circumstances surrounded the betrayal, as well as how the betrayal itself gradually came about. By attuning to the process, and to one another, partners can begin to understand what happened, and are better equipped to ensure a betrayal does not happen again.

Attach: Finally, at the attach phase, the couple begins to map out a way forward to rebuilding trust. Trust will not return quickly, it will take time, humility, compassion and persistence. But with the strategies and communication skills that you will be equipped with in the counselling process, it is possible.

We Can Help Guide You

Our couples counsellors have helped other couples to decide what they need and to rebuild trust in one another. While the process is not easy, does involve pain, and will involve compassion and persistence - for the right relationship couples can and do recover trust in one another.

Where in Brisbane Are We?

A note on location:

We are local counsellors and psychologists for you if you’re in Clayfield, New Farm, South Brisbane, Teneriffe, Kangaroo Point, Fortitude Valley, East Brisbane, and Brisbane CBD. We’re also within easy reach for those in Bowen Hills, Spring Hill, Herston, Petrie Terrace, Highgate Hill, Kelvin Grove, West End, Norman Park, Hawthorne, Windsor, Wilston, and Balmoral. (Hendra, Ascot, Nundah, and others are only five minutes away).

Visit us in person in Clayfield (Brisbane) or from anywhere in the world online. We have worked with couples who are not only not in the same city, but neither of whom are in the same country at the time of therapy. Distance is no longer a barrier to gaining the couples counselling help you seek.

Book an appointment or give us a call

• Appointments are available Monday to Friday, face-to-face or via Telehealth.

• You can see each practitioners’ availability by clicking ‘Book an appointment’.

Recovery of trust after an affair is possible, and for the right relationship, it can be worth the effort.