Same-Sex Relationship Counselling Brisbane

LGBTQIA+ Same-Sex Relationship Counselling in Brisbane

At Lighthouse Relationships, we are proud to offer compassionate and inclusive counselling services tailored to the unique needs of LGBTQIA+ relationships. Whether you're in a same-sex relationship or exploring your identity and connections, our experienced counsellors are here to support you.

Research-based Therapy with Same-sex Couples

Like any couple, same-sex partners deserve support that’s personalised and grounded in solid research when times get tough. Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman - founders of the Gottman Method - have studied the unique challenges and strengths of same-sex couples, showing just how resilient these relationships can be. This strength and resilience is apparent in gay and lesbian relationships - even with the added social and cultural pressures same-sex couple face.

The Gottmans are passionate about making sure gay and lesbian couples have the tools they need to build strong, lasting relationships. Dr. John Gottman’s research took a deep dive into gay and lesbian relationships with the first long-term study of its kind, uncovering over the course of 12 years what makes these relationships thrive - or struggle. Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman’s research - which was focussed on lesbian mums, and showed that daughters of lesbian mothers do just as well as those raised by straight mums and dads.

What Helps Same-Sex Relationships Thrive?

Dr. Gottman and his team spent 12 years studying same-sex couples to uncover what helps these relationships succeed or leads them to struggle. Their research shows that all couples—whether straight or gay—deal with many of the same challenges and follow similar paths to staying happy together. But it also found that certain strengths, like a good sense of humour and the ability to calm down during arguments, play an especially important role in the success of same-sex relationships. Read on to discover a summary of key findings.

Key Insights from the Gottman Gay/Lesbian Couples Study

Gay and lesbian couples tend to stay more positive during conflicts. Compared to straight couples, gay and lesbian partners tend to approach disagreements with more affection and humor. They’re also better at responding positively to each other’s concerns and are more likely to keep things upbeat even after the argument ends. “When it comes to emotions, these couples may operate differently than straight couples—there’s a lot straight couples could learn from them,” says Dr. Gottman.

Avoidance of controlling or hostile behaviour. Gay and lesbian couples are less likely to use tactics like dominance, belligerence, or intimidation during disagreements. Dr. Gottman explains, “This suggests that fairness and sharing power are bigger priorities—and more common—in gay and lesbian relationships compared to straight ones.”

Conflicts feel less personal. In straight relationships, negative comments tend to cut deeper, while positive comments don’t have as much of an impact. With gay and lesbian couples, it’s the opposite: positive comments go a long way in boosting connection, and negative remarks are less likely to cause hurt feelings. “This shows that these couples are often better at accepting some negativity without taking it too personally,” says Dr. Gottman.

Unhappy couples stay calmer physically. For straight couples, signs of physical stress—like a racing heart, sweaty palms, or jitteriness—are often linked to unresolved tension and difficulty calming down during fights. Gay and lesbian couples, on the other hand, when engaging in couples therapy and discussing a difficult topic, tend to have lower levels of this “fight-or-flight” response, which suggests they’re better at soothing each other even during tough moments.

These findings highlight some of the unique strengths in gay and lesbian relationships—and offer lessons that can benefit all couples.

Why Choose LGBTQIA+ Relationship Counselling?

Relationship counselling is a powerful tool for helping gay and lesbian couples strengthen their relationships. In a study conducted at the Gay Couples Institute, researchers Alpaki Yee and Salvatore Garanzini found that same-sex couples who participated in Gottman Method Couples Therapy saw more than double the improvement compared to the average couple in therapy.

To put it simply, most couples in therapy typically improve by about 0.5 standard deviations on a standard scale of change - and 0.5 is significant. But same-sex couples in this study improved by an impressive 1.2 - more than twice as much. Yee and Garanzini speculate that this finding may be due to same-sex couples having lots of practice at learning to make adjustments to a society that is largely heterosexual-focussed - that is, if you are good at learning to build resilience and face changes, taking the lessons from couples therapy and using them at home is an easier and faster process.

Every relationship is unique, and LGBTQIA+ couples may face specific challenges that require understanding and sensitivity. Relationship counselling can help:

• Strengthen emotional bonds and improve communication.

• Navigate outside pressures, discrimination, or stigma.

• Address conflicts, misunderstandings, or unmet needs.

• Explore intimacy, trust, and future planning.

• Support blended families or parenting in LGBTQIA+ relationships.

How Does the Gottman Method Work for LGBTQIA+ Couples?

1. Improving Communication

   One of the core principles of the Gottman Method is enhancing communication between partners. For LGBT couples, communication can sometimes be challenging due to societal pressures, discrimination, or differing personal experiences. The Gottman Method helps couples replace negative communication patterns with more supportive, understanding exchanges. It teaches couples how to express their feelings, needs, and desires clearly and respectfully, while also teaching them how to listen with empathy and openness. Couples learn techniques which reduce the likelihood of arguments escalating. This improved communication allows partners to feel seen and heard, which is critical for emotional connection and relationship satisfaction.

2. Resolving Conflict

   Conflict is inevitable in all relationships, but it is how we manage it that makes a difference. The Gottman Method equips gay and lesbian couples with the tools to approach conflict in a healthy and constructive way. Rather than engaging in harmful behaviors like stonewalling or contempt, couples learn strategies to resolve disputes with mutual respect. The method encourages couples to explore the root causes of conflicts, including emotional triggers or unmet needs, rather than just the surface issue. Techniques such as the "softened startup" teach couples to begin discussions with kindness and non-blameful language, setting the tone for a more productive exchange. Additionally, the Gottman Method emphasizes the importance of repair attempts—simple gestures or phrases that help to de-escalate tension—so that conflicts don’t linger and erode the relationship over time.

3. Building Trust

   Trust is foundational to any healthy relationship, and in our work with same-sex relationships, we have noticed that trust can sometimes be influenced by external societal pressures or internalised fears. The Gottman Method emphasises the importance of cultivating trust through consistency, empathy, and vulnerability. Couples are guided to prioritise one another’s emotional wellbeing by consistently ‘showing up’ for each other. This can be particularly powerful in situations where one or both partners may have faced rejection or trauma in the past. The method also teaches couples how to repair trust if it has been broken, whether through infidelity or unintentional harm. Building trust involves not just being reliable, but being emotionally attuned to one another's needs, showing vulnerability, and offering reassurance.

4. Creating Shared Meaning

   Creating shared meaning is about building a relationship that is rooted in mutual purpose, values, and vision for the future. The Gottman Method helps couples identify the deeper meaning behind their relationship, recognising the unique experiences that each partner brings to the table. It encourages couples to talk openly about their dreams, goals, and values, creating a shared narrative that brings them closer together. This process can include establishing rituals and traditions that hold special significance—whether it's a particular way of celebrating anniversaries, daily connection rituals, or how they envision their future together. For LGBTQIA+ couples, we have seen there can also be significant benefit in exploring the significance of their relationship in a broader societal context, including navigating issues like societal acceptance and family dynamics. By finding shared meaning, couples strengthen their bond and create a relationship that is rooted in understanding and shared aspirations.

Awareness of Challenges Faced by LGBTQIA+ Couples

While every couple faces challenges, LGBTQIA+ couples often encounter unique struggles that can put additional pressure on their relationships.

Discrimination and stigma remain persistent issues, with societal biases, negative attitudes, and ignorance creating stress and undermining the sense of safety and belonging that all couples deserve. This stress is often compounded by conflicts with family, friends, or cultural communities, which can weaken support networks and create feelings of isolation.

Setting healthy boundaries in the context of external pressure presents another layer of complexity. LGBTQIA+ couples frequently navigate outside pressures that can conflict with their own values or the nature of their relationship. Balancing personal needs with these external expectations can involve a significant emotional toll.

Legal and institutional barriers. Many cultural and legal frameworks still fail to fully recognise or validate LGBTQIA+ relationships. This lack of recognition can make it difficult for couples to publicly affirm their commitment, robbing them of the societal acknowledgment and celebration that many heterosexual couples take for granted.

Despite these challenges, LGBTQIA+ couples often show incredible resilience and strength, carving out their own paths to love and connection in the face of adversity. As informed couple therapists working with same-sex relationships on a regular basis, at Lighthouse Relationships we maintain our awareness of the needs and unique challenges gay and lesbian couples may face.

Same Sex Relationship Counselling at Lighthouse

Love is Love

At Lighthouse Relationships, we are dedicated to providing a compassionate, affirming, and inclusive space for LGBTQIA+ couples to strengthen their relationships and navigate challenges. All of our dedicated practitioners have welcomed and helped same-sex couples - and we welcome Brad Benson to our team, a proud gay man himself, who brings both professional expertise and lived experience, ensuring a deeper understanding of the unique dynamics and pressures that LGBTQIA+ couples may face.

Whether you’re dealing with communication difficulties, trust concerns, external pressures, or the complexities of blended families, we tailor our approach to meet your specific needs. Our evidence-based therapies, including the Gottman Method, are adapted to celebrate and support diverse identities and relationships. At Lighthouse Relationships, we believe that love, in all its forms, deserves to thrive, and we’re here to help you build a fulfilling, connected partnership.

Brisbane locals Lighthouse Relationships Psychology & Counselling for LGBTQIA+ Relationship Counselling

Our team of highly qualified therapists is dedicated to providing exceptional relationship counselling, including specialised support for gay and lesbian couples; and others in the rainbow of love. Based in Brisbane, we are here to help strengthen your connection and navigate life’s challenges. Learn more about our practitioners on our team page. When you’re ready, you can check our availability using the button below or give us a call at 07 3477 9077.