How do Attachment Styles affect relationships? A Brisbane-based Counsellor’s perspective
Understanding Attachment Styles and their impact on Relationships
The study of attachment styles helps explain how our early relationships shape the way we connect with others throughout our lives. Pioneered by psychologist, psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, this area of research has continued to evolve and provide valuable insights into human behaviour, relationships, and personal growth. Attachment styles can impact on our lives and play a part in our relationships.
What are Attachment Styles?
Attachment styles refer to the patterns of emotional bonds and interpersonal connections formed during infancy and early childhood. These can influence how individuals relate to others in their adult lives.
Four primary attachment styles have been identified:
1. Secure Attachment
Individuals with a ‘secure’ attachment style tend to feel comfortable with emotional intimacy and are confident in seeking support from others. They have a positive view of themselves and others, allowing for more open and trusting relationships.
2. Anxious Attachment
Those with an ‘anxious’ attachment style often crave intimacy in relationships but may also fear rejection or abandonment. They are more likely to be preoccupied with their relationships and can be overly sensitive to changes in their partner's behaviour.
3. Avoidant Attachment
Individuals showing an ‘avoidant’ attachment style value independence and self-sufficiency. They may find it challenging to rely on others or express vulnerability, preferring to keep emotional distance to protect themselves from potential hurt.
4. Disorganised Attachment
This attachment style is characterised by a lack of clear patterns or strategies in coping with relationships. People demonstrating a disorganised attachment style might experience conflicting emotions and behaviours, stemming from inconsistent early caregiving experiences.
The Impact on Adult Relationships
Attachment styles have a profound impact on how we form and maintain relationships throughout our lives. Individuals with secure attachment styles often enjoy more satisfying and harmonious partnerships. Their ability to trust and openly communicate fosters healthier connections with others.
Conversely, those with anxious or avoidant attachment styles may encounter more challenges in their relationships. Anxiously attached individuals might become overly dependent on their partners, leading to potential feelings of insecurity and jealousy. Avoidant individuals, on the other hand, may struggle to share their emotions or become emotionally distant, causing their partners to feel disconnected.
How Can Relationship Counselling Help?
Relationship counselling can be highly beneficial for individuals struggling with attachment styles in their relationships. We can provide valuable insights, support, and guidance to help individuals understand their attachment patterns and work towards developing more secure and healthier attachments.
There are a variety of treatments that may be adapted to each client including:
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): EFT focuses on identifying and reshaping negative communication patterns and emotional responses that hinder emotional connection. EFT helps couples develop more secure attachments by promoting emotional openness and responsiveness to each other's needs.
Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT): CBT is a goal-oriented therapy that addresses negative thought patterns and behaviours associated with attachment styles. For instance, it can help individuals with anxious attachment challenge and reframe negative thoughts about rejection, while those with avoidant attachment can work on developing healthier emotional expression.
Mindfulness-Based Therapy: Mindfulness techniques can help individuals become more aware of their emotional responses and attachment triggers. By staying present and non-judgmental, individuals can learn to manage their emotional reactions and make more intentional choices in their relationships.
Gottman Method Couples Therapy: Beginning with a detailed assessment of the couple’s relationship and integrating evidence-based interventions based on the Sound Relationship House Theory. The aims of Gottman Method Couples Therapy are to develop quality verbal communication, develop healthy conflict styles, increase intimacy, respect, and affection and build empathy.
By working with one of our qualified Brisbane-based relationship counsellors, you can explore and address the underlying issues related to your attachment style. Over time, this process can lead to more secure and fulfilling relationships, improved emotional well-being, and a greater sense of self-awareness and personal growth.
