Brisbane Relationship, Couples, and Marriage Counselling

Brisbane Relationship Counselling for Couples

Research and evidence-based relationship counselling with our experienced counsellors and psychologists.

When facing difficulties in your marriage or relationship, it can have an impact in all aspects of your life. The demands and challenges can gradually erode your relationships’s sense of intimacy and connection; however, for the overwhelming number of people we see, many have never had the opportunity to learn strategies for effective communication and conflict resolution. (Or, partners may simply have quite different communication styles). Conflict is a natural and inevitable part of any relationship - seeking to avoid conflict can be just as damaging in the long term as having hurtful or combative conflict. However, when couples use evidence-based strategies, constructive conflict can lead to deeper understandings, closer relationships, and creative ways to move forward.

The Gottman Method offers help for couples in different phases of their relationship:

  • Couples who are struggling with some aspect (or multiple aspects) of marriage or relationship

  • Couples who are no longer sure whether unsure if they wish to stay in their relationship

  • Couples who are going well but who are seeking to further improve their closeness and communication; or to find strategies to future-proof their intimacy and connection

  • Pre-marriage relationship counselling

How Relationship Counselling is approached using the Gottman Method

The Assessment Phase of Relationship Counselling (Stage One)

Our relationship experts are Counsellors and Psychologists who have based our approach to couples therapy on more than 45 years of (still ongoing) research by global leaders in relationship research and practice, Dr John Gottman and Dr Julie Schwartz Gottman. The Gottman’s, along with other world leading researchers, have published hundreds of studies which have identified the factors which predict relationships whether relationships succeed or fail.

Lighthouse Relationships Psychology and Counselling offers the Gottman Connect Relationship Assessment Process to help you and your partner to identify the strengths and pinpoint the struggle areas in your own relationship and to determine whether you may benefit from relationship counselling. (The Assessment Phase is like taking an x-ray of the relationship - in order to see in depth what is happening).

The Relationship Counselling Assessment Phase in detail:

  • Initial Interview as a Couple

First, an initial 50 minute session takes place where both partners in the relationship come in together to see the relationship counsellor.

During this session, couples often report being relieved to get some of what they have been feeling and experiencing off their chest, and to also feel the support, empathy and understanding of a skilled counsellor. The counsellor will guide the process by asking questions about where you are at, and what makes you want to have relationship counselling.

You don’t need to worry about what to say; the counsellor will ask you questions, not only about why you have come in, but a wider range of questions to get to know you better, and in order to understand more about what makes your relationship ‘tick’. This includes asking about how the two of you met and what you most admired in each other that made you want to be with each other in the first place. Partners often find this first session ‘breaks the ice’ well, and not only do they come away feeling their counsellor ‘gets’ them, but also, regularly, they enjoy remembering the warmth and mutual joy that their relationship was founded on.

  • Online Gottman Connect Relationship Survey

After the initial interview, your relationship counsellor or psychologist will recommend completion of an in-depth relationship assessment survey. Both of you complete the survey on your own. The survey has about 480 items - but do not worry, the survey is ‘tick a box’ and most people comfortably complete in 45 minutes to an hour. The survey may sound onerous, however it helps your relationship counsellor get to a level of understanding your relationship that would take approximately five to ten hours of talking.

In short, the survey is a way of saving time and covering a lot of ground quickly. It helps your relationship counsellor to rule out a range of issues and to flag the possibility of others. It covers friendship, conflict, intimacy, emotions, values, commitment and trust, as well as parenting, housework, finances, individual areas of concern, and others.

The Gottman Connect survey can be done from home (online) and is, as mentioned an efficient way to gain in depth information that would otherwise take many sessions.

  • Individual Interviews (after both partners have completed the survey)

When both partners have completed their Gottman Connect surveys, individual 50 minute interviews are held with each partner and your relationship counsellor to help your therapist to understand each point of view and your hopes / motivations. Your counsellor will also ask a bit about the family you grew up and and any past relationships, as these experiences are part of what inform the kind of communication and relationship norms that you might value.

  • Relationship Feedback Session as a Couple

Before this feedback session, your relationship counsellor will look in depth at the information you have shared throughout the assessment phase in the survey, the initial session, and the individual interviews; they will analyse and interpret what they see. (And a simplified report is available if you wish upon request; ask you counsellor for this if you wish).

In the feedback session, your relationship counsellor will meet with you both in order to discuss your relationship strengths and struggles and to provide targeted recommendations about specific couples therapy goals should you both wish to proceed to relationship counselling. If the survey and interviews are like taking an x-ray of the relationship, then the feedback session is something akin to your doctor showing you the x-ray and talking about your options for treatment of the needs that are apparent. Your counsellor is able to recommend moving on the treatment phase - that is, the couples counselling phase - at that stage if that is the best option for your particular needs and will share that with you in the feedback session. If relationship counselling is not recommended, your counsellor will offer options for your particular situation’s needs.

The ‘Treatment Phase’ of Relationship Counselling (Stage Two)

The Assessment Phase is the ideal setup for those seeking to proceed with Couples Counselling proper, (the ‘treatment phase’ - the phase where we address the identified issues). Couples can decide to proceed with regular relationship counselling sessions to work in on the struggle areas within their relationship. There are options for how the treatment phase is approached.

  • Weekly or Fortnightly Relationships Counselling Sessions - 50 mins or 110 mins each

For the most part, depending on your needs, couples counselling is weekly or fortnightly, moving to less frequently once you have some initial relief and have gained new skills for managing conflict and building trust and intimacy.

Throughout the treatment phase, we recommend double sessions of 110 minute sessions if this is possible for your schedule. This is because a ‘normal’ 50 minute session is generally long enough to get in depth into one partner’s perspective on an issue, and for them to feel deeply heard and understood. This at times potentially leaves the second partner feeling unheard and needing to hold their perspective until the following session. This can cause tension if one person needs to continue feeling they have not ‘had their say’ and are needing to hold their peace for a week or fortnight. To educe this tension between sessions, for best results, a double session allows both partners to be heard at great depth on an issue, so that both have their input heard and validated by the other. (For this reason, it is preferable to have a double session once a fortnight than a single session once a week).

  • Half day Relationship Counselling sessions - 4 hours (with a break half way)

In order to gain momentum on issues faster, and/or to take less time away from work, it is possible to have two 110 minute sessions in the one day. Talk with your relationship counsellor if you would like to set this up. We recommend taking a break half way, as this will allow your therapist to do the treatment planning that they normally do in between sessions. We have found that these half day sessions help couples learn the skills they need faster, and to build up momentum and progress in filing resolution much more quickly.

  • Marathon Couples Therapy (2 Day Intensive Couples Retreat) & Half Marathon (1 Day Intensive)

What is Marathon Couples Therapy?

Marathon Couples Therapy is a condensed, focused approach over 2 consecutive days of intensive, structured, evidence-based couples therapy with just you - one couple and one couples counsellor.  Marathon Couples Therapy is intensive, and couples experience progress much more quickly due to the efficiencies involved in having one dedicated period of time (rather than, say, meeting weekly for months); as well as benefitting from ‘massed practice’ effects. Marathon Couples Therapy is not for everyone; it does require energy and focus during the two days. In addition, even though overall cost of therapy is comparable to normal weekly therapy over several months - and results/progress is similar for both approaches - in an intensive one is presented with the total cost of the therapeutic process upfront rather than over weeks. (A payment plan is available if you wish).

Marathon Couples Therapy is held at Oaks Mon Komo in Redcliffe, just north of Brisbane (not far from the airport). The cost of accommodation is not included in therapy.

To read more about Marathon Couples Therapy in Brisbane, see our dedicated article here.